I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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