i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just high enough for therapy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
