So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
