I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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