Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
