you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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