My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
