My hand turned me down
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
its liver damage thursday
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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