Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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