Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
