weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
