im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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