It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
