I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
