I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
