Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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