why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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