I wish I could punch you in the face.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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