why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize