Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
