you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
