Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
