my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
