It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
