I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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