so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
