She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
