I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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