I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
