1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
