real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
