wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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