Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
