You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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