I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
