I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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