Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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