If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize