And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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