how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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