Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
