just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
