somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
