I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize