I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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