pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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