I'm really into asian looking animals
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
