just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
