You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
