it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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