The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
