Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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