It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
