Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
