I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize