College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
