do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
