last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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