guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
