they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
