Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it was like his penis was on wheels.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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