1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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