hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
