This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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